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What About Me
Unfiltered and heartfelt, our community opens up about the real-life journey of caring for loved ones—at home and across the wider community. Through personal stories and reflections, we share the triumphs, struggles, and quiet moments that define the caregiving experience.
Taking a break doesn't mean giving up
I used to think that stepping away, even for a moment, meant I was letting Mum down. That if I really loved her — if I was strong enough, patient enough, devoted enough — I wouldn’t need a break. But Alzheimer's doesn’t just change the person you love. It changes you, too. Somewhere between the endless cups of tea, the repeated questions, and the sleepless nights, I began to disappear a little. The Guilt That Follows You Everywhere The first time I took a full afternoon off,
Nov 4, 20252 min read
Mum before Alzheimer's
Mum was a very laid-back person, shy around unfamiliar people, and mostly kept to herself. She had an amazing sense of humour and never took herself too seriously. Many people wanted to get to know her, but she only spent a small amount of time with others outside her family. She was never one for being overly sociable, but that was just how she liked it. Always busy, you would often find her doing something or going somewhere. She is, and always will be, very family-oriented
Nov 3, 20252 min read
Memory boosters
Photos of family members over the years enhance Mum’s memory. We discovered that having a small assortment, including images of her throughout the years, was beneficial in triggering happy memories, albeit for a brief period. Often, she would confuse pictures of me with those of her, and herself with my Nan, due to her facial recognition not being as sharp as it once was. We make a conscious effort to keep up with the ever-changing faces as everyone grows, especially her Gran
Nov 3, 20252 min read
Mum stopped eating
At least once a year Mum would take on voluntarily not eating. This was terrifying, her weight would plummet. In our situation she never fell past 8 stone when she did this. However, in Mum's world this was a lot! as she usually hovered around the 10 stone mark, so a 2 stone weight loss, looked very obvious on her small frame. I would panic as the days went on. I tried all sorts of different ways to get her to eat; homemade smoothies to get her 5 a day sweeter foods to bulk
Nov 3, 20252 min read
I have had enough
I remember being 3 years into caring for Mum, often feeling stressed and exhausted. The most common thought I had was, "I've had enough; I can't do this anymore." I have lost count of how many times I thought this. The daily abuse, the lack of appreciation, and the loss of my own life became overwhelming; my cup was officially empty!. What now? I felt stuck. I was having no luck with the NHS, and Mum was rejecting any approach to hiring carers. No one wanted to step into my s
Nov 3, 20252 min read
Creating my village of support
Caring for an elderly person or those who are unwell and vulnerable is a role that cannot be undertaken alone. It takes a village to care for someone, and by that, I mean family members, healthcare professionals, social workers, pharmacists, GPs, specialists, nurses, and carers—you name it; we need them all!. As a family carer, I know my Mum inside out and understand how she feels about being cared for, as well as what she does and doesn't want for her future when she started
Nov 3, 20252 min read
A seat for Mum
Going out for lunch was something Mum and I loved to do together. It provided us with quality time and the opportunity to eat at some really lovely restaurants. Once Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, we could still go out as normal for a short period, but as the months went on, this became a little trickier than I was used to. The timing of our outings became crucial to avoid overly busy restaurants at peak times. I often opted for a first sitting as the restaurants were op
Nov 3, 20253 min read
Sometimes you just need a hug from your Mum
Personal struggles and reminiscing about better days before Alzheimer's started to take over became increasingly difficult when I couldn't receive that much-needed hug from my Mum. She would push me away if her mood shifted. Whenever I was visibly upset, I tried to hide my face from her, to save upsetting her too. How I longed for a trip into the city to enjoy lunch at that Italian café we loved so much and to engage in the usual banter with the owner, who I was sure had a so
Nov 3, 20251 min read
Choose peace, not war
I was minding my own business, browsing on my laptop, doing as we are told to do as carers and 'not react'. I picked my battles this particular day and chose peace, not war. Mum was on one of her raging bull outbursts, and my gosh, was she going for it. In the blink of an eye, a freshly made cup of tea came hurling at me, spilling all over our hardwood floor, the rug, and smashing into one of Mum's much-loved elephant ornaments. 'Please don't do that, Mum, that's dangerous.'
Nov 3, 20251 min read
Explaining to the little ones, what's happening to Nanny
I remember the first change my Niece noticed in Mum. We were all sitting and watching TV in the early afternoon. Mum liked antique programmes at the time and didn't mind conversations going on in the room while she watched them, especially from the kids. My Niece asked a simple question, and Mum turned, scowled at her, and told her to "be quiet!!" This was surprising because Mum never spoke that way, especially to her Grandchildren. My Niece laughed it off, saying, "You're no
Nov 3, 20252 min read
Forgotten but still loved
While I have been caring for my Mum, there are many moments that stick in my mind, one of which is when Mum first forgot my name. It was an ordinary day at home. Mum and I were talking; perhaps I was speaking too quickly or hadn't noticed that she wasn't following what I was saying too well. I don't know. There was a pause, and she said, "Who are you anyway?" At first, I didn't really know how to take it. I thought it was banter and that she was just joking, but I also notice
Nov 3, 20252 min read
Things that help me care for my Mum
Nostalgic memories - those little reminders of the past that can truly warm Mum's heart. They can stimulate all sorts of experiences, such as the smell of her favourite childhood meals, photos that capture special moments, TV shows that shaped her views, and those cherished items that hold so much meaning. When it comes to relationships, especially with those who might be dealing with cognitive challenges, being present and genuinely listening to her is incredibly importan
Nov 3, 20253 min read
Full moon week and Mum
During the week of the full moon, Mum's behaviour would worsen and she would do the strangest things during the night. Things such as; walking around our living room with our flat screen tv in her hand, pulling pictures off the wall that had never been bothered with before, dragging her mirror along with all her bits and bobs off her dressing table, onto the floor, and sitting on the floor in the random areas of the house. This odd behaviour only seemed to surface around a fu
Nov 3, 20251 min read
Feelings of resentment
Feelings of resentment as a full-time carer are real. I break it down in my mind as not disliking the person, but rather the situation the disease creates. I love my Mum with all my heart, but the dementia version of my Mum, not as much. It took a lot for me to come to terms with this, separating the two people when all I saw was one. I felt immense guilt when describing my Mum in ways I never thought I would. My 'Mum' loves me, encourages me, and shaped me into who I am toda
Nov 3, 20253 min read
Things I find hard whilst caring for Mum
Negative Changes in Myself I’ve noticed that my mood has changed, and I often feel angry without warning. This isn’t just a small annoyance; I react more strongly to things that used to bother me less. This makes it hard to stay calm. I feel frustrated and guilty because I’m not the person I used to be, which creates a cycle of anger and regret. Losing My Sense of Self I struggle with feeling disconnected from who I once was. The things that used to make me happy now feel emp
Nov 3, 20253 min read
“The Great Café Showdown”
Outings with Mum are different every time; you never know what is going to happen. This particular experience is from one of Mum's regular outings with her carer, who is fantastic with her. In our community, we have a few wonderful places that provide a change of scenery for Mum without requiring extensive travel. She has visited this particular place multiple times before and is well-known there, as is her carer. Mum typically goes out for about an hour. I waved her off at t
Nov 3, 20252 min read
Holding the home together
In our household, cleaning was the sole task that Mum completed daily from the very beginning. Sadly, this became much more challenging throughout her diagnosis. To this day it is one of the hardest jobs to complete in my house, as the noise distractions from the vacuum cleaner often agitate her, resulting in the hoovering being postponed day after day. Clumps of dog fur, cobwebs, and dusty windowsills that were once unheard of soon became a common sight in our home. I couldn
Nov 3, 20252 min read
'The cost of caring'- dealing with compassion fatigue
Compassion fatigue is a form of emotional and physical exhaustion that can affect individuals who care deeply for others — particularly those in caregiving roles such as family carers, nurses, social workers, or hospice volunteers. It is often described as the “cost of caring” — when you invest so much empathy and support into others that your own emotional reserves become depleted. This condition manifests when caring starts to hurt more than it helps — when the emotiona
Nov 3, 20251 min read
My experience of 'helplines'
The first time I tried calling dementia-related helplines, I found that the people on the other end of the line lacked compassion, in my experience. They offered no sense of comfort and nothing constructive to help me. I thought these helplines were there to assist, but I discovered that they often provided more textbook responses, or the individuals on the line would vent their own frustrations. The lines were frequently unanswered; instead, I regularly encountered an answer
Nov 3, 20252 min read
Walks with my Mum
Walking is something my Mum loves to do and used to do on her own. Sadly, through no fault of her own, she is no longer safe to do this alone, so I accompany her twice a day. What starts out as a nice and relaxed outing—looking at birds in the trees, petting people's dogs, and talking to those we meet—eventually turns into a source of dread. Mum's hand would start squeezing my arm tightly, her pace would increase, and she would become agitated, constantly shouting, "I want to
Nov 3, 20252 min read
Disclaimer:
The blog posts featured on this site are written by volunteers and carers who generously share their personal experiences, reflections, and insights. These accounts are deeply individual and may not reflect the views or circumstances of all carers or care recipients. We recognise that each journey is unique, and readers may have different perspectives or experiences. The content is intended to foster understanding, connection, and dialogue—not to offer clinical advice or definitive guidance
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