A seat for Mum

Going out for lunch was something Mum and I loved to do together. It provided us with quality time and the opportunity to eat at some really lovely restaurants.

Once Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, we could still go out as normal for a short period, but as the months went on, this became a little trickier than I was used to.

The timing of our outings became crucial to avoid overly busy restaurants at peak times. I often opted for a first sitting as the restaurants were opening, since Mum no longer had the patience to wait very long for her food. The restaurant we chose had to be selected carefully; if they were too small, the conversations going on around Mum in the confined space became overwhelming, and she would become agitated. Additionally, we had to consider those restaurants that were popular with families and young children, as Mum could become very disruptive and overwhelmed if the children themselves were restless.

I managed to find ways to distract her at the beginning by showing her photos or funny videos on my phone while we waited for our food. If the weather was nice, I always opted to be seated outside, allowing Mum to have more space. If this wasn't possible, I would request a table near the entrance or in a booth, if the restaurant had them, so we would have a clear exit in case we needed to leave abruptly.

Some restaurant staff began to notice that Mum has additional needs, especially after an incident that occurred when we went out with more family members. I must admit that the more people we had with us, the more relaxed I felt, as Mum had distractions then. Sadly, this particular day had the opposite effect; Mum started to become unsettled at the table, removing her shoes and wanting to walk around the restaurant instead. We tried standing outside and people-watching until our food was ready to distract her.

One particular waiter approached me and asked, "Is everything okay? Can we do anything? We couldn't help but notice that the lady you're with seems quite unsettled." I thanked him for his concern and explained that Mum has Alzheimer's. He was sympathetic and offered to prepare our meals as takeaways if we needed to go. We insisted on staying this time, as we felt Mum was just hungry; she wasn't being disruptive in any other way; she just couldn't sit still. The waiter must have checked with the kitchen regarding our order, and soon after, our meals arrived at the table.

Mum settled down and ate, but wanted to leave soon after. However, we needed to wait for the bill. If it had just been Mum and me, this situation could have turned into a much bigger issue. Thankfully, as there were a few of us, the others headed back to the car with her while I hung around to pay the bill. The waiter was very sympathetic and noted our needs for any future visits, telling me to call ahead so he could reserve a table nearer to the door or in a booth to see if it would help at all.

Thank goodness for the waiters. Times like these really attracted unwanted attention to us. I knew it wasn't Mum's fault for her unusual behaviour, but I hated that people were staring at her. It was becoming increasingly clear to me that the things we once loved to do were now becoming harder and more stressful.