Sometimes you just need a hug from your Mum

Personal struggles and reminiscing about better days before Alzheimer's started to take over became increasingly difficult when I couldn't receive that much-needed hug from my Mum. She would push me away if her mood shifted. Whenever I was visibly upset, I tried to hide my face from her, to save upsetting her too.

How I longed for a trip into the city to enjoy lunch at that Italian café we loved so much and to engage in the usual banter with the owner, who I was sure had a soft spot for Mum. We just couldn't do things like that anymore, and my goodness, did I miss it.

I can't recall the last time we did. In fact, I struggle to remember many of the 'lasts.' I don't think my body or mind will allow me to, because each time I try, I am overwhelmed by grief.

When I was fortunate enough to receive a brief hug from my Mum during these times, I could almost wrap my arms around myself at the same time; she was shrinking in every aspect.

She no longer felt the same as I remembered, but I took whatever I could from those moments to maintain my connection with her. The familiar sway of my Mum had vanished; instead, she felt tense and unfamiliar. Yet the undeniable fact remains: she is my Mum.