I have had enough

I remember being 3 years into caring for Mum, often feeling stressed and exhausted. The most common thought I had was, "I've had enough; I can't do this anymore." I have lost count of how many times I thought this. The daily abuse, the lack of appreciation, and the loss of my own life became overwhelming; my cup was officially empty!.

What now? I felt stuck. I was having no luck with the NHS, and Mum was rejecting any approach to hiring carers. No one wanted to step into my shoes. I was on the verge of losing my job; how could I afford to live? I saw no option but to carry on.

I often reminded myself why I wanted to care for Mum: to give back. This was my priority, and it was my reason for doing this.

During this time, I was frequently called into my workplace for "meetings," which asked me to return to the office, as I was currently working from home. I quickly realised that I had too much on my shoulders, and the extra hassle from them was not helping my situation. Mum was unable to be left alone for any period of time, and eventually, I was made redundant.

I knew I had to find a source of income, and once that was secured, I could breathe a little easier, knowing we could keep a roof over our heads.

I found that by focusing on one thing at a time and crossing off items on my never-ending list, I could bring some order to the chaos. It gave me something else to focus on, allowing me to take my mind away from just being a carer. It was all up to me now to take care of both of us; Mum was none the wiser.

I felt a sense of achievement, knowing that no matter how tired or stressed I was, I persevered. I didn't give up. Losing my Mum gradually to Alzheimer's feels like being homesick and never being able to return home. I will continue; I will always remind myself why I do what I do, and I won't give up.