Why I took away her freedom

The most heartbreaking decision so far I have had to make for my Mum is, 'taking away Mum's freedom'.

Let me explain... Mum was an avid walker and would do so, unattended, umpteen times a day! This went through phases over the course of 5 years, of her being 100% safe and road aware, down to 50%, and evidently leading to 0%. As her carer and more importantly, her Daughter, her safety is paramount, and the most important duty I could do for her.

I introduced a GPS device, so I knew where she was at all times, in the event of an accident or emergency, or if the weather switched, so I knew where to retrieve her from, as quickly as possible.

At first, I was receiving word of mouth worries from the community that Mum appeared distressed whilst out and about, but would not let many people help her. I knew the cause was sundowning at this point, as they were always reported in the afternoons, so I didn't really see this as too much of an emergency, at that time. After explaining to said people about sundowning, and how to approach if they felt they needed to, this secured the situation, but only temporarily. Understandably, people didn't want to approach Mum when she became aggressive, after all, not everyone knows how to deal with such situations, and would start to panic, which in Mum's case, would be a recipe for disaster. Keep cool, calm and collected, always!

As time went on, with the added use of her GPS, I noticed Mum was starting to walk down unfamiliar routes, lingering in shops and trying to enter the village nursery. Low and behold my mobile phone would ring, alerting me that Mum had now, also ventured into someone's home!. Luckily, for us 99% of the people were very understanding, as additional to her GPS device, I placed Alzheimer's awareness badges on her clothing, and attached an ID tag to all her zippers, with my contact information on. This came in very handy, and also helped people understand why this was happening, as at the start of Mum's diagnosis her 'dementia symptoms' were not as obvious as they are now. I always TRIED to be one step ahead of the progression..

There were occasional instances from a concerned dog walker, telling me that Mum wasn't looking before crossing the road, and they were frightened she would get hit...Now here comes the jaw dropper, again, I wasn't overly concerned at this point, as I too have been in my car and had to be sharp on the breaks, for someone not thinking and stepping out. I felt at that time, Mum was well known, and many knew her circumstances. I guess, I hoped that with understanding, the community would pull together and realise she didn't mean to do this on purpose, and would look out for her whilst in their cars.

The final straw was when I was being contacted weekly, and sometimes daily, by concerned locals, that Mum was no longer road aware, and stepping out in front of traffic constantly, not looking before crossing, causing drivers to either slam their brakes on, or swerve to avoid hitting her, and walking in the road rather than on the paths.

I was devastated and finally put a stop to Mum's freedom, the sole activity she loved, benefited from and met many wonderful people whilst doing. It gave her independence and a sense of self, to now take this away from her felt cruel and inhumane, but I had to put her safety first.

Mum continues to walk daily, now with the company of myself or her private carer, but this is in no way as much as she used to do. This will always be one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make for her, and it was heartbreaking.