Who cares for the carers?

Who cares for the carers? I felt like no one did unless you knew where to look, and often by the time you find it, it's too late. I was passed from one person to another while desperately seeking help for myself and my Mum. Without support, you'll exhaust yourself and burn out. Some say 'you can't pour from an empty cup'. It makes sense. I knew I needed help, but wasn't sure what kind, just that I needed something. I was tired, impatient and starting to feel very depressed.

On top of everything, a family friend told me I'd fail as a carer since I had no dementia training, and Mum would suffer because of it, bring in the pros!. It compounded my doubts about my ability to do something I'd never done before.

The more research I did online, I kept coming back to the same thing, basically implying that if a family carer could not cope on their own, vulnerable people would have to deplete their finances to bring in hired help, which wasn't cheap, or contribute towards it, if their local council could fund a set amount. Eventually needing to sell their homes, to get the care they deserve. How is this fair? Someone works a lifetime to pay off their mortgage, only to end up with nothing, families lose their inheritance, and are forced to move their loved ones into care homes for safety, through lack of support and money.

Dealing with the reality of the situation is extremely hard, and it remains so. You learn not to accept but to adapt as time passes. Trying not to look too far into the future, but far enough to know what needs to be done, to ensure some security and routine.

Is it a matter of not worrying about what you can't control? To a certain extent, yes, but on the flip side, you worry because you can't control what's happening. Everything becomes uncertain and unpredictable. Could we lose everything in a moment? How quickly could things change? How long will this continue? What level of care can I truly provide?. Watching someone you love fade, and knowing you can't do anything about it! Nothing at all!.