When you don't know what you need

Addressing mental health struggles, whether they're your own or someone else's, or dealing with mental illness as someones carer, should not be taken lightly, and is not something one person can handle alone. There is no shame in seeking help, but many people struggle to know what to ask for, as I discovered while caring for my Mum.

There are countless questions I'd love answers to, but when it comes time to ask, the words just don't come. The frustration is real.

How can you assist someone who seems beyond help? How can you advocate for another person when you don't truly understand their feelings? Do I comprehend all the terminology, and the complexities of accessing help through the NHS? Why isn't it easier for someone with a mental illness to access help? How do I know if something isn't effective or is inefficient? and so on...

Mum was still able to mask certain things, so could I be perceived as dishonest? I continued to think of things such as; how do I support her to live her life without interfering or taking over? What if I overlook something important? Am I acting in her best interests, supporting her treatment for Alzheimer’s when she has always disliked medication? How can I keep her comfortable at home, when she becomes unfamiliar with it?. Are these really questions that can be answered, as everyone experiencing dementia is different.

I didn't find 'helplines' helpful; personally, I preferred reading people's stories and genuine experiences of caring for a loved one with dementia, rather than taking advice from a scripted document. I have always enjoyed talking to people, and seeing how differently we perceive things, when taking care of an elderly parent or someone with dementia.

I encountered others in my situation who prioritised themselves, over their loved ones, and had a different perspective on end-of-life matters. I also learned that not everyone you talk to is listening to help you, but that's just life.