Shadowing in Dementia

Shadowing in dementia is a behaviour where a person with the condition constantly follows their primary carer, often driven by fear, anxiety, or a need for reassurance. It can manifest as following from room to room, becoming agitated when separated, or invading personal space. This behaviour stems from insecurity and a feeling of being alone, and it can be managed by providing a safe and reassuring environment.

Mum 'shadowed' me everywhere! To be completely honest, as much as I understood and sympathised with the reasons behind her actions, it still drove me mad!.

I couldn't take my dinner plate into the kitchen without her trailing behind. I couldn't use the loo without her standing in the doorway or, at times, right beside me while I was sitting on the toilet. She was always there—whether I was getting the washing off the line, popping to fetch something from my car, or taking the bins out; you name it, she was there.

She would hover her eyes over me while I ate my meal, watching for the moment I was about to finish. Sitting on the edge of the sofa, she seemed familiar with the routine of taking pots to the kitchen when we had finished eating. Even when I put my laptop on charge in my bedroom, I would often tell her she could remain on the sofa and relax, saying, "I'm only putting my laptop on charge, I'll be back in a few seconds" but shadowing in Alzheimer's does not understand this.

She could NOT relax unless she was sleeping.

Along with the combative aggressiveness often associated with Alzheimer's, shadowing is very hard to cope with. There is no peace for the carer, no privacy, no downtime—nothing for us!.

I would always try to distract this behaviour by;

• reassuring her I would return to the same room as her, once I had finished what I was doing

• telling her she was safe in her own home

• putting some funny videos on the tv to try and hold her attention

• acknowledging her anxiety and reassuring her it was ok to relax

shadowing complicated things such as;

• taking phone calls

• venting frustrations to family members

• discussing things with her private carer / nurses / doctors

• having 5 minutes to myself during tough days

I will continue to remind myself, this is the disease and not my Mum.