Preparing for Christmas

Mum and I have always loved Christmas; it is the holiday we cherish the most, filled with delicious food and time spent with our loved ones.

Sadly, as the years have passed and family members have passed away, our family has inevitably become smaller and smaller. Consequently, Christmas now looks significantly different from what I was once used to.

Now, with Alzheimer’s added into the mix, things have changed even more. What should be a holiday to look forward to, a time to celebrate and let your hair down as the year comes to a close, now requires much more consideration and preparation—but not in the way you might think. Mum still enjoys the season, but only in snippets. To those on the outside, our household might appear to be just another normal day. We don’t have all our family over on one day, as that would be too overstimulating for Mum, leading to agitation. We only have a few family members left: my uncle and his wife visit for a couple of hours on one day, her cousins come on a separate day, my niece will spend New Year with us, and my brother and I will spend Christmas Day itself with her.

Putting up the decorations has to be carefully considered, making breakable items as out of reach as possible, ensuring the lights on the tree don’t flash, and making sure the house remains recognisable to her so she doesn’t become unsettled, and so on.

Our Christmas Day does not consist of a stampede of footsteps down the stairs and a living room overflowing with wrapping paper. No, the turkey has not been cooking all night in the oven, and there aren’t mountains of food prep on the sideboards. Our breakfast does not include bucks fizz and smoked salmon. Our approach has to be slow and steady. Mum gets out of bed when she wants, eats her usual breakfast, and resumes her normal waking routine until she is ready to start the day. Then, we will open some presents. I always like to video these moments for my own memories to look back on when I am celebrating Christmas Day alone.

There are no Christmas Day phone calls to wish us a Merry Christmas; instead, they are done via text message so Mum does not become overwhelmed by the different people calling or tire from lengthy conversations that she can’t follow.

Her Christmas Day walks can cause her some frustration, as many people are in their own homes, enjoying the types of Christmas Days we once did. She can’t understand why there are barely any people around to talk to; after all, she no longer knows it is Christmas without being told.

She may enjoy one or two Christmas films, if we are lucky enough for her to settle down to watch them, but anger will inevitably surface at some point during the day. Sundowning does not take a day off. Now, as she is older, she spends a lot of the afternoon sleeping on and off, so making the most of a dance in the kitchen to some Christmas music while I prepare dinner is essential. Mum no longer has the appetite and palate she once did, so fancy Christmas dinners are a thing of the past. Instead, I have to rethink different finger food treats for her, hoping she, too, can enjoy a treat at Christmas time. Constantly cleaning cauliflower cheese off her fingers and clothes is not how we envision enjoying our lunch.

I try to remain optimistic and count my small wins over the Christmas period. While Christmas is nothing like it used to be in my world, there are still things to enjoy and be grateful for. After all, Mum is still here.