Living with the one you're caring for

A subtle difference I noticed in some people I spoke to about caring for Mum, was how I seemed to have a lot more stress and worry on my shoulders, than others that had cared for someone with dementia.

Yes, we spoke a lot about similar things we'd experienced as being carers. We shared stories of how we dealt with certain situations, talked of the stresses and worries, but something still lacked in my eyes. I hadn't met someone yet, who had LIVED in the same house, 24/7, as the person they cared for.

I have the upmost respect for anyone who cares for someone with any form of dementia or illness, looking after someone who is unwell is extremely difficult.

I now realise why I seemed to be carrying a lot more on my shoulders, than those I spoke to. I had NO physical or mental rest. Those I spoke with told me, they would care for their person along side hired carers, they didn't live in the same household. The people being cared for sometimes lived with a partner, and many of the people who they were caring for, could live alone; only needing help with food and getting out and about. Mum needed help with everything 24/7, and definitely could not live alone.

The people caring could still maintain their jobs, family life, social life etc, so I began to wonder why can't I?!, surely my situation can't be that dramatically different, turns out it must be.

At the same time, I appreciate for some, there is no mental peace for those who don't live with the person they care for. If you don't see something as it happens, like me, you will probably walk into it the next morning, or hear about it from the hired carer; which understandably could cause worry. Especially, if something additional is now needed to be put in place, any change can be stressful.

But, knowing they'd have many hours to step away, to continue with 'normal life', must've brought to light how much I don't have that; my life is 100% consumed as a carer. My free time relies on schedules and 2 hours a week relief from hired help, that is not enough time to decompress completely, yet alone live.