It was time to give back

After learning about Mum's diagnosis, I had many thoughts about becoming her carer.

How would I manage? How would this impact my life? How difficult would things become? Am I capable of being a carer? And so on...After all, dementia of any kind affects each individual, differently.

My thoughts always returned to one thing: 'to give back.' While I hadn't chosen to be her Daughter, she chose to be my Mum, and she is a good one. I understand that many people, for their own reasons, may not have a relationship with their parent(s), so may not understand my decision to become her carer, and that's okay. I do!

Mum would often ask, 'Are you going to be my carer?' Initially, I didn't know how to respond. I care about my Mum and will always want the best for her, and I will always look out for her best interests, but a straightforward yes couldn't capture the complexity of my thoughts, making it hard to promise from the start when the future was uncertain. Did we really need to label it?.

Seeing her at her most vulnerable reminded me of the feelings she must have experienced as a young Mum. It's overwhelming to be responsible for a life, whether young or old. I know my Mum did everything she could for my brothers and me. I knew what it felt like to be loved and cared for, and that feeling stays with me to this day.

No life is perfect, nor is any person. I had an example of what it meant to be cared for and loved, so I had been taught and shown how to nurture another human being. Whether I chose to become her carer or not, she will always be a significant part of my life, even after her passing.

Caring for someone whose brain is failing them is a strange experience. At times we discover parts of her life we never knew. Her vulnerabilities, fears, inner child, and the thoughts and feelings she had kept to herself for years, are revealed. Some are very hard to hear, while others bring comfort. Losing my nurturer when I need her most, makes being her carer the most painful part. You turn to people who know less about you because, after all, she knew me best, but sadly, she has now forgotten that.